How do we do relationships God's way?

We were created to be relational. We need accountability. In this quest to be relational and to have accountability, many times we are looking not for a mentor, but for a God.

So often we are looking for someone to be God in our lives or we try to be God for someone else’s life. As church people sometimes we feel like we have to go above and beyond to love greater and bigger, when actually we need boundaries. Love is boundaries.

Proverbs 4:23 NLT Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

1 Peter 4:10 NLT God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.

Having boundaries means being good stewards of grace. Grace provides safety in relationships, because then there is no judgment or condemnation.

Ephesians 4:15 NLT Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

We are called to speak truth and love to help others mature. Grace says I love you no matter what. Truth says I love you enough to tell you you are about to hurt yourself. Living this way requires that we do what we say we are going to do.

So what causes grace and truth to get out of balance? Control.

Romans 13:13 NLT Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy.

When we are out of control we walk all over grace and don’t listen to truth. Our response to those we love being out of control is often to control. This will always lead to codependency. Our attempt to push the person we love into the way they should go, causes us to get out of balance.

This is seen through actions like, enabling, driving guilt, etc. Yet a boundary sets a line of responsibility. We each have our own responsibilities to carry, for ourselves and in each relationship.

How do we restore balance?

For those of us who like to save people, we actually love them by not rescuing them or being their savior.

Galatians 6:3-4 NLT If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

We are here to help, not take the responsibility for others. We have to be ok with helping then releasing.

Matthew 18:15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

We are called to confront others in love.

Here are the basics of making a boundary.

Boundaries start from a position of love. We tend to set boundaries in opposition, anger and hurt.

John 13:34 NLT So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

We are implored to give information that encourages others to grow.

We must learn to say no

Matthew 5:37 NLT Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.

Truth can hurt, but it is not what harms them. It actually helps others to grow. We have to learn that we are not responsible for the emotions of others. When we won’t say no, we are actually telling them we don’t respect them enough to grow.

Allow them to deal with and feel the consequences of their actions

Proverbs 19:19 NLT Hot-tempered people must pay the penalty. If you rescue them once, you will have to do it again.

The ultimate objective of setting a healthy boundary, is to see a healthy restoration of the relationship. This is so important when we are healing. It is really hard to heal when you’re sitting next to the person that’s cutting you.

2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.