By: Ashley Rae Morton

Tensions rise. Anger prevails. Harsh words are spoken, and feelings are wounded.

If you’ve lived long enough, you’ve experienced relationships that have pushed you to your limit. After all, we are human. We are allowed to feel anger, but we were never meant to nurture it.

If I’m being honest, there have been moments when my anger found its voice. I had to humble myself before God and ask for forgiveness for words I couldn’t take back, because the damage was already done. We are imperfect beings and Jesus knew this about us. In Matthew 5:22-26, Jesus warns us that anger, accompanied with bitter and disrespectful speech, reveals a heart in need of transformation. Jesus prioritizes reconciliation over religious practices. Because, after all, our relationship with each other is a reflection of our love for God. We cannot carry anger and animosity in our hearts and claim to be followers of Christ. We are saved by His grace, so we may extend grace to others.

Jesus calls us to take accountability for our actions so that we can mature emotionally. Don’t get me wrong, this is not an easy task, but growth is found in difficult moments. How often do we pray for peace but avoid hard conversations? How often do we allow pride to have the last word? Maturity isn’t always found in walking away or waiting it out; true emotional maturity is born when we initiate the repair. Few tools in the enemy’s arsenal are as accessible or as destructive as anger. When we allow anger to reside in our hearts, it eats us alive–literally. Anger can change the composition of our brains and deregulate our emotions– trust me, I have seen it first hand. Anger clouds judgment, distorts perception and leads us to act in ways that contradict who God has called us to be. Jesus commands urgency because unresolved anger does not fade with time, it deepens.

For us to genuinely live the life that God has called us to live, we must have peace in our hearts. Maturity is realizing that we cannot change someone else's actions, but we can manage our reaction. Reactive behavior often signals areas where we need spiritual growth. While it may not define us, it reveals where God is still refining us. God wants us to heal, to grow, to develop spiritual maturity. We can’t just know better, we must do better.

I cannot emphasize enough that growth takes time. Some of us are recovering hot heads or are always ready for a quick comeback, but how does this behavior draw us closer to Christ? When tense moments arise, we must remember to pause, pray and reflect before we react. But, if we do react poorly, we must be willing to restore. God has called us to reconciliation, not retaliation.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” — Proverb 15:1 (ESV)