By: Stephanie Fish
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34
In my prayer journal, I asked God, “Who do I need to forgive?” I received my answer… my younger self. It dawned on me to have my younger self write a letter to my present self, apologizing for the choices she made on my behalf. Here goes…
Younger self: “I made unwise choices based on the longing for human acceptance and approval. Insecurity ran my life, and you have been reaping the consequences of that. I am sorry. I felt guilt and shame but continued on the path anyway. I was immature and lost in my ways, longing to be loved unconditionally and moving forward at warp speed with no true inner healing. I wish I had known better and know what you know now- all true healing and all true unconditional love comes from our Father above. Will you, can you, forgive me?”
My 30s self: “I had the head knowledge- God is to be the center of my life, but I didn’t live it out. I operated out of pride, flesh, and entitlement. I was still lost. Oblivious and defensive, still longing for what I didn’t know I needed~ a relationship with our Father. I found temporary comfort in the horizontal, in validation, blame, and judgment. I am sorry I didn’t think enough of myself and didn’t take you, my future self, into account. Please forgive me.”
Present self to younger self: “Thank you for recognizing your part in this. I will begin my forgiveness journey by saying to you what Jesus said on the cross, I forgive you. With that being said, I now get to honor and respect my older self because I know better today. I know my worth, my value, and understand my identity is not from the horizontal but will LOOK UP and receive my Father’s unconditional love, goodness, grace, mercy and forgiveness. Lost and afraid, riddled with insecurity - He found me. He left the 99. I got to be the one! He found me on the floor of my closet, my newly made war room seven years ago. I Receive. I Surrender. I Release.
I receive His unconditional love. I surrender my future. I release my past. Young, unguided, and unknowing, if only I could go back, I would gift myself with the community I now have, the knowledge of the Bible I have come to learn, the faith that continues to grow, and the wisdom I have embraced. My future self is saying, “Thank you!” I am forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead. (Philippians 3:13.) Why? Because his goodness and faithful love has pursued me all the days of my life; my past days, my present days and all my future days. (Psalm 23)