by Leah Martorana

Women.  We are an intricate mix of emotions, feelings and past experiences.  When you put two of us together magical things can happen.  Deep bonds can form in a moment’s time.  This is what we are meant for.

Wounds.  All women have them.  Some have healed and some are in need of healing.  The wounds not healed? They ache and ooze with the ugliness of bitterness, hurt, jealousy, and shame. 

We have all had an encounter with another woman where we felt attacked and threatened.  Our initial response is to fight back and defend ourselves.  The urge is primal and hard to overcome.  But have you ever stopped to consider the wound?

When I was in high school there was this girl.  I didn’t really know her but I had decided I didn’t like her and she had decided she didn’t like me.  I can’t really say how we made our decisions.  In my head, she was out to steal my boyfriend. She was always hanging out with the boys on the soccer team and she didn't have any female frieds. In her head I was probably jealous without reason.  All that I am sure of is that we had formed strong opinions of each other based on assumptions and judgments.

Fast forward to College and I found out God has a funny way of making us women deal with our issues.  I ended up in a class sitting right next to this girl I so desperately tried to avoid.  We were paired up for a group project and forced to spend a lot of time together that semester. I learned she shied away from female friends because so many women had hurt her in the past.  I also learned I was jealous because of broken trust in relationships. 

Over the course of that semester and the few years that followed, this girl became one of my dearest friends.  She played an instrumental role in my Christian walk and I often wonder what would have happened if we both held on to our pride and refused to see past the exterior.  We would have missed out on an amazing friendship had we not considered the wound.

What opportunities have you had to build an unlikely friendship?

Maybe it came in the form of a co-worker who always seemed to sabotage your work.  Her wound is jealousy displayed through cutting you down with condescending comments.  How did you respond? Did you consider her wound?

Or perhaps it was a fellow believer that felt “called” to call you out in a public setting.   She questioned your good intentions and your moral character because she was burned many years ago.  How did you respond? Did you consider her wound? 

How about that look that some women have perfected?  You know, the one with the rolling eyes and daggers that seem to cut to your core.  So intense you can feel the hatred across the room?  It’s their defense for the insecurity they battle and can’t seem to shake.  How did you respond?  Did you consider her wound?

See, no one can make us question our worth like another woman. That is just what the enemy hopes for. To create divides, to tear us apart, to make us feel insecure, unworthy, and misunderstood.  He wants to do everything in his power to prevent the beautiful life-transforming bond that forms when two women connect heart to heart and wound to wound. 

So next time you feel attacked and the urge to fight back rises in you, take a moment to step back.  Pause.  Filter your words through truth.  Be bold but speak out in love.  Take a moment to consider the source.  Consider the wound. 

Have you ever felt like the enemy was trying to create a divide between you and another woman? If so, how did you face the situation? Share your thoughts and comments below! 

Leah Martorana has been married to her husband, Mark, for 4 years and is enjoying her new role as mommy to 1 year old, Maxwell.  She is the co-leader of Beautiful Moms at Grace Family Church. Leah enjoys anything creative, from cooking to crafting.